Monday, April 22, 2013

Another Tale From Buster ::

I got this just a short while ago:

A Friend and a Fireball

  My initial reaction was to bend over double and my next thought was to wonder what happened to all of the oxygen in the room.
  Johnny Jaynes and I have been good buddies for over half of a century and even though we are good friends neither us want the other to go 'one up.' This day he won.
  Some time ago we were in New Orleans and we decided to enter a store which featured hot sauces. We were casually walking around when we came upon a table which had over thirty small ketchup cups filled with different sauces. There was a supply of pretzel sticks to be used for dipping.
  We had tasted several of the sauces when the owner came and asked us how we were enjoying the various sauces. We told her all of them were good but we were a little disappointed that they were not very hot.
  She replied that she had not put the hot one on the display but if we wanted she would provide us with this devils mixture.
  When she returned I did not want Johnny to get the first taste, so I stepped ahead of him and stuck my pretzel as deep as I could in the sauce and proudly took the first bite. It was downhill from there. I quickly folded over like a paper clip and gasped for air as this skyrocket worked its way through my digestive system. My vision blurred, tears streamed and my tongue doubled in size. I felt like Donald Duck with steam coming out of my ears.
  Now Johnny is a quick study and he turns to the lady and ask her what is the name of this pepper. The lady is more worried about her potential liability as I quickly place my hands on my knees and gasp for air.  My nose hairs have disappeared.
  When I try to say call 9-1-1  Johnny looks down at me and says,'' Buster, please quit making those gurgling sounds, this lady and I are trying to have an informative conversation. Now mam, in which part of Louisiana are these peppers grown." I notice that Johnny has cupped his pretzel.
  I try to position myself where if the dizziness stops and nausea comes I can hit Johnny's pants leg. Johnny senses some danger and fearing that I might bite his leg, which has crossed my mind, has moved he and the owner further away. The owner worries how much bad publicity the shop will receive if the ambulance has to come. Johnny has put his pretzel in his pocket.
  She asked Johnny if they should administer some first aid but he replies that Buster is always showing off with these crazy antics and he will be fine in a minute. He turns to me and says, " Buster quit making those sounds you are scaring the other customers." The other customers have already exited fearing that if I ignite the authorities will find body parts in Kansas.
  I am finally able to partially stand and I try to say an unprintable reference to Johnny's bloodline but it sounds like something in Chinese and he just smiles and ask the owner what type of flower is on this particular pepper plant. She is relieved when I exit her shop.
  Fortunately we are in New Orleans rather than Salt Lake City so there is a bar close and I ask the barkeep for a cold beer. The nectar of the gods taste flat but then  my taste buds will not return for a week. I next ask for a glass of milk trying to recall what I had read in 'Boy's Life'  when I was a Cub Scout. Neither of the first two remedies were successful so I asked for a Coca- Cola on ice. The ice sitting on my tongue for the next fifteen minutes brought some relief and I can finally speak English.
  The old saying about what does not kill us will make us stronger has merit but I am going to let Johnny be the alpha male  next time.
  The name of this nuclear sauce is Dave's Inferno and four drops would kill all the fish in Lake Wateree.
 Thank you for your attention.


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